Carry On Countdown
by black-tea-blue-pens
Summary: One Shots for the Carry On Countdown
1. December 7: Angst

**BAZ**

He found me. He found me and there is no way I can deny it. Not with a dry rat in my right hand. Not with the blood stains around me. Not with my fangs out.

He turns around and runs. I should leave him be.

I do not. I chase after him instead. He runs through the empty hallways, upstairs and into our room. Of course. He is supposed to be safe there. I am sure we have woke someone up.

I close the door behind me.

"Get out, Baz". There is fear in his eyes. He is not disgusted, or angry. He is just scared. The worst part is, I am too.

"It´s our room, Snow". Is this really the best moment to be sassy?

I take a step towards him.

Another mistake.

"Stop it".

"I thought you knew. Weren't you ranting about me being a plotting monster with Bunce?"

"Penny said…"

I think I have just rolled my eyes.

"I couldn't care less about what Bunce thinks".

His expression will not change, and I do not know what to do.

I want to to run towards him and tell him I hid who (or should I say what) I am out of shame.

I want to beg him to understand that I am the same person I was a few hours ago. But I am not even a person.

That is the problem.

I feel like crying. He is acting just like I was afraid he would. Just like my father did. Just like my mother would have if she had lived.

Great, just great. Now I am crying. Just what I needed. And I cannot even tell what he is thinking anymore.

"Wha- why are you crying?" Snow sounds confused, like a little boy that does not understand why he is getting scolded.

I laugh at myself. I must look so pathetic.

But of course, because he is Simon Snow he does not understand why I am laughing.

"Stop it".

"Stop what, Snow?" I am trying to decide between laugh and tears. I want… I do not even know what I want. Dying right now would do.

"Stop laughing. It's confusing".

"So what".

I take another step forward.

"I told you to stop it!" I must still have blood stains. Why do I even care about that now? Right, Simon is scared. The same way my mother would be. No. Simon is worse. Simon can, and will, explode at any moment, and I am flammable. That would be convenient: all my problems would be solved and I would not need to kill him myself.

"Don't tell me what to do, Snow". Keep calm, Baz. We are a meter apart, but he is acting as if I was about to dive my fangs in him. That is something that has happened, actually. In my nightmares.

"Is this why you approached Agatha? You wanted to suck her blood, right?"

So that is what he was worried about.

"Don't you think if I wanted to suck her blood I would have done it a long time ago?"

"You want to kill me. And you didn't do it yet".

"That's…" a lie. That is what I should say. That should be the truth.

It is not.

Because I do not want to kill Simon Snow. But I am going to do it anyway.

Tears are still flowing, but I am still smiling. It´s a sick irony, just like my life. Just like sharing room with Simon. Just like falling in love with him.

And I am tired, so tired…

Wait.

"Snow, the Humdrum´s here".

"What?"

"Don't you feel it? The magic is…"

"It´s not here, Baz. Don't try to distract me!"

"Snow, I'm…"

It is not the Humdrum. It is Simon. Simon is making the magic disappear.

I must get out of here. No. It is the same outside.

"SNOW, STOP IT!"

"Stop what?"

"I don't know, whatever you're doing".

I do not understand what he is doing, but I can feel the magic being drained from the air.

"Snow, I'm serious".

"I don't know what you're talking about, stop trying to distract me!"

As he grows more and more angry, the magic goes away faster.

No, I realize, it is not disappearing. It is going towards him, as if he were absorbing the air around him, as if magic was drawn to him the same way I am.

I grab his arm, trying to make him stop. I should have not.

He tries to pull out. He cannot. At least the magic in the air is safe now. Because he is draining mine. And it is painful.

"Snow, look at me". At least he does that much. "Simon, I need you to stop. It hurts. I…"

"What am I supposed to be doing?" "You don't realize? You´re draining my magic". I am openly crying now. It hurts too much. I have fallen on my knees at some point, but I cannot release him. I just can´t.

I think I am dying. For real. And it is way more painful than I ever imagined.

I look up at his face, his mouth open as if he wanted to say something but did not know what.

I look into his eyes and feel strangely calm about the fact that I am going to die. Maybe it is because it means everything is going to end.

Aunt Fiona´s speeches about how I must kill him.

Father's disappointed looks.

Sneaking out to drink blood.

The guilt.

It will be over.

I will not have to kill Simon.

I will not have to live knowing I killed Simon.

I will not have to live knowing I killed the boy I love.

I will be dead.

Not half dead.

Completely dead.

Maybe I will even see my mother, and listen to her voice again. I have missed her.

Maybe I will be able to visit Simon next time the veil opens up.

"Baz, I´m sorry. I'm so sorry, I… I don't know how to stop this".

So now we are both crying and I am dying and Simon is imploding and I need to say goodbye. I need to tell him everything before it is too late.

"Simon, I…" I do not even know what to begin with. "Simon, the box".

"What?"

"Simon, the box with the Italian shoes…" he understood. He is searching under my bed.

 **SIMON**

I reach under the bed with Baz still grabbing my arm and take out the box. I still don't know what´s happening, I feel nothing. But he seems to be falling apart. His way too elegant for anyone but him Italian shoes are inside, along with an envelope that has the Pitch emblem printed.

I´m about to open it but Baz stops me. He´s sitting on the floor, and pressure on my arm is softer. He's paler than usual, and that is weird because he´s a… A vampire. I think he has no strength left. And it´s so sad watching him this way…

"Simon, I… I´m sorry. I love you Simon".

Did he just say that?

He has released my arm.

And has fallen down on the floor.

Baz is dead.

I feel renewed, and that's when I realize what Baz meant. I've sucked all of his magic. The only monster here is me. It shouldn't have happened this way. It should have been fair. Or have not been at all. Baz should be alive. As a vampire. Or as a boy. I don't care. He should be alive.

I wait for the anathema to make effect, but it just doesn´t. Maybe because it was not my intention. Or was it? I don't know anymore. I see the envelope in my hand and open it. Inside, there are three pages full of Baz´s elegant handwriting.

 _Dear Father:_

 _It has been twelve years since the day I was supposed to die. Ever since then, things have just gotten worse day by day and I just cannot stand it anymore._

 _I miss her. I miss my mother. My last memory of her is her voice shouting curses at the vampires._

 _I remember people scrambling. I remember watching one of the vampires light up like a Roman candle. I remember a flash of agony before the man holding me sank his teeth into my neck._

 _And then pain._

 _And then nothing…_

 _I must have passed out._

 _When I woke up, I was in my mother's quarters, and Father and Fiona were casting healing spells over me._

 _When I woke up, my mother was gone._

 _When I woke up, I was a vampire._

 _I hated myself for what I was._

 _I was a monster. A vampire. Like the ones who killed her. The ones who she despised._

 _I lied awake at night, wondering what she would have done if she had lived. Would she have loved me nonetheless? Would she have abandoned me? Would she… would she have killed me? I used to hug my pillow, crying until I fell asleep, exhausted. I needed you to hug me, to comfort me. But you were not there._

 _As I child, I learned to get used to you ignoring me. To you being ashamed of me. Up until I was thirteen I justified your behavior to myself with stupid, hard to believe excuses._

 _When I was eleven, I was admitted into Watford. I should not have. My mother would have never let a vampire in the school._

 _Being a vampire is death. It is death, because you need to eat life to stay alive. It is death, because when you are hungry, you cannot stop thinking about eating other people. It is death, because you look at other people, living people, and they seem really far away. They seem like something else. The way that birds seem like something else. And they are full of something you do not have. You could take it from them, but it still will not be yours. They are full, and… you are hungry. You are not alive. You are just hungry._

 _And then there is Snow. Simon Snow. My roommate and my nemesis. Simon, who is so full of life and magic. How am I supposed to take that from him? Simon Snow. My first love, my enemy._

 _When I came to Watford, I knew I had to hide the fact that I am a vampire. I knew Simon Snow would be there, and I also knew he would be my enemy. Why? Because Fiona said so. Because you said so. Because The Mage, even though I was only eleven, already thought of me as a threat. Because everyone around me said so. When the crucible drew us together, I could not believe my luck. Killing him would be way easier than expected._

 _It was not._

 _The roommate anathema made it impossible, and I hated it. I hated him. I hated how he was completely incapable of controlling his own magic. How he seemed a little stupid. How he followed the Mage everywhere. But the worst part is that he was alive, and I was not, and that made me jealous._

 _Now it has changed. At some point, I began liking him. I didn't care that he didn't use magic to tie his shoes, or that he always dressed with the school uniform, or that he suddenly appeared in our room covered by blood and mumbling explanations._

 _He should not be my roommate, he deserves someone better. He deserves a normal guy to hang out with and organize parties; not a vampire who was taught to hate him since he was little. Not someone whose family wants him dead. Not someone who cannot even confess out of fear. Not someone who is going to kill him._

 _I am going to kill him. I do not care if the Anathema fires me. I just hope this way you and Fiona will be proud for once. Because, Father, one of the most awful parts of being a vampire is that the Pitch mansion is not wide enough for me not to hear you and Daphne telling Mordelia to be careful. And that you are right, but it hurts. It hurts that you hate me for being a vampire. It hurts that you hate me for being homosexual. It hurts that you think of me as a monster. It hurts because I didn't get to choose any of those things. It hurts that you seem incapable of helping me cope with all of this._

 _But it does not matter anymore, because I am going to kill Simon._

 _And then I will kill myself._

 _Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch._


	2. December 14: Moms

_Natasha (madre de Baz)_

 **Lucy (madre de Simon)**

Aaron Burr/Alexander Hamilton

Dear Theodosia, what to say to you?  
You have my eyes  
You have your mother's name  
When you came into the world, you cried and it broke my heart.

 _"I am..._ _I´m just so happy that you are here. My son. Baz. Basilton. You are so perfect. You look so much like me, and your smile is so beautiful, just like your father´s._

I'm dedicating every day to you  
Domestic life was never quite my style  
When you smile, you knock me out, I fall apart  
And I thought I was so smart

 _I want you to meet all the staff at Watford. I´ll stay with you forever and we will live together at the school. I am so excited...  
_

You will come of age with our young nation  
We'll bleed and fight for you, we'll make it right for you  
If we lay a strong enough foundation  
We'll pass it on to you, we'll give the world to you  
And you'll blow us all away  
Someday, someday  
Yeah, you'll blow us all away  
Someday, someday

 _I am sure you are going to be so powerful. Do you think we could stop the war together? Is there a spell for that? For us. For you. No vampires, no rebels. Just you and I, spells and books. We could be happy. We could be great. Maybe you are what we needed to end the war, and the world will be a beautiful place again._

Oh Philip, when you smile I am undone  
My son  
Look at my son  
Pride is not the word I'm looking for  
There is so much more inside me now  
Oh Philip, you outshine the morning sun  
My son  
When you smile, I fall apart  
And I thought I was so smart

 **Simon. My angel. My rosebud boy. I cannot believe this. I was not sure we could do it, but you** **are here. You are here and you are alive and healthy. You are so beautiful, my baby. I am holding you in my arms, you are real and you are smiling and that alone is worth everything that happened. You make me believe we will be okay. My son. Simon Snow.** _  
_

My father wasn't around  
I swear that I'll be around for you

 **Maybe we could just run away. The two of us. Away from conspirations, away from dangers. Just you and I in a safe world. It would be so nice...** _  
_

I'll do whatever it takes  
I'll make a million mistakes  
I'll make the world safe and sound for you

 _Do you think I can do this? Taking care of you? Helping you grow safe? How am I supposed to do this?_ **  
**

Will come of age with our young nation  
We'll bleed and fight for you, we'll make it right for you

 **Don´t worry. We will figure it out. I´m sure everything will be alright and you will be fine, I swear.** _  
_

If we lay a strong enough foundation  
We'll pass it on to you, we'll give the world to you  
And you'll blow us all away  
Someday, someday  
Yeah, you'll blow us all away

 _You will be beautiful, you will be strong. You will rise over the rest of the world, and I will be there for you._

**I am so happy that I got to see you. So proud of you. I hope you will live peacefully and I just wish I could stay by your side.** _  
_  
Someday, someday


	3. December 23: Chapter 61

"Aunt, listen, it's just half an hour. We will meet in here in half an hour. Please, do not do anything weird while I am out". "Who do you think I am? And get out of there. The front seat is for people who haven't been kidnapped by fucking numpties". Baz does not answer. Instead, he sighs and leaves the car, running straight into the library. He likes buying Christmas presents, especially if they are for Mordelia.

He walks straight to the teenager section and begins to look for the third part of the trilogy his sister is dying for.

He is not alone. And those two girls are staring at him from the opposite side of the corridor, zero discretion in their eyes.

"He´s exactly how I imagined". "What?" "Just, look at him. He is the evil guy in Carry On". "Whoa! That´s right, I can totally picture him in chapter 61". Those are the disadvantages of being a vampire, part 1: hearing what you do not want to hear. 61, huh? It sounds important. There must be a dimension, a world where that number affects him. Maybe it will become the date when he finally kills Snow... That would be nice.

He keeps taking a look at the books and pretending he cannot hear them until they leave. Then, he looks at the book they were talking about: "Carry On by Magicat". Light blue and yellow cover. Title in red. It is placed just between the "After" saga and the one about shiny vampires; that cannot be good. However, the girls are right: one of the pictures represented on the top of the cover really looks like him.

He checks his clock. There are still fifteen minutes left until Fiona comes back and he has already found his sister´s present. There is not much time left, so he opens the book and searches for the number they said. Chapter sixty one. Right.

 _ **BAZ**_

 _That's it. I'm going to have to spell this imbecile away from me. My last deed will be to save Simon Snow's life, and my whole family will be ashamed._

Wait. What? What is this book? Baz looks around to make sure there is no one observing, and then goes back to it.

 _He's holding onto my face, expecting me to stay alive just because he's told me to—because he's Simon bloody Snow, and he gets whatever he wants if he growls loud enough._

Whoa, impressive. It is him, for real.

 _I think I might kiss him before I send him flying._

 _(Can I get him away from me without breaking any of his bones? What spell will keep him away, so he doesn't come running back into the fire?)_

What the hell is this? Is it seriously supposed to be him? Baz? Basilton Pitch? Because there is no universe where he could even think about kissing Simon. And why would he try not to hurt him? It is Snow, the most insufferable person he has ever met. (And he has met quite a few).

 _I think I might kiss him. He's right here. And his lips are hanging open (mouth breather) and his eyes are alive, alive, alive._

 _You're so alive, Simon Snow._

 _You got my share of it._

At least the book is right about that —except for the kissing, though—. It is true that he is jealous that Snow is alive but... He is usually jealous of every living person. It is just that Snow is always more. More than everyone else. More power than anyone, more stupidity than anyone and... More life than anyone.

 _He shakes his head, and he's saying something, and I think I might kiss him._

 _Because I've never kissed anyone before. (I was afraid I might bite.) And I've never wanted to kiss anyone but him. (I won't bite. I won't hurt him.)_

 _I just want to kiss him, then go._

" _Simon…," I say._

 _And then he kisses me._

At this point, Baz is starting to get angry. He turns around trying to find the hidden camera or some kind of sign showing that Penelope or Simon are around. It looks like a bad joke. He casts a **Come out, come out, wherever you are!** but only a very pissed cockroach appears. For an instant, he debates between burning the book and continuing reading. Curiosity wins and he opens the book again.

 _ **SIMON**_

 _I just want him to shut up and stop talking like this. I just want him to get up and follow me out of here. I just want to be back at Watford in our room, knowing he's there, and that he isn't hurting anyone, and no one is hurting him._

That is a lie. A straight lie. Snow is impatiently waiting for the day he will have the opportunity to kill Baz, and vice versa. But the book is still interesting; he is still impressed about how well reflected both of them are, even if the scenery is the most unrealistic thing he has ever read.

 _ **BAZ**_

 _Is this is a good kiss? I don't know._

 _Snow's mouth is hot. Everything is hot._

 _He's pushing me, so I push back._

 _His cross is rattling in my tongue and jaw. His pulse is beating in my throat. And his mouth is killing everything I'm trying to think._

 _Simon Snow._

Why on earth would he want to kiss Snow? He is insufferable in every possible meaning of the word. He is stupid. He cannot control his magic. And he is the Mage's heir. Baz just... Baz just hates him. He cannot imagine a single situation where he would think of kissing him.

 _ **SIMON:**_

 _Baz's mouth is colder than Agatha's._

 _Because he's a boy, I think, and then: No, because he's a monster._

 _He's not a monster. He's just a villain._

 _He's not a villain. He's just a boy._

 _I'm kissing a boy._

 _I'm kissing Baz._

 _He's so cold, and the world is so hot._

His expression changes. If he was surprised and angry, now he is skeptical. He is evil, of course he is evil. Otherwise, he would not spend day and night thinking of how to kill his roommate fooling the Anathema. Otherwise, he would not try to make Agatha fall for him just to piss Snow. Otherwise, he would not dry every single rat in the catacombs. He _is_ evil. He is a vampire. He is a monster.

 _ **BAZ**_

 _I am going to die kissing Simon Snow._

 _Aleister Crowley, I'm living a charmed life._

No. No. He is going to die killing Simon Snow. That would be charming. Finally getting rid of him.

 _ **SIMON**_

 _If Baz thinks I'm ever letting him go, he's wrong. I like him like this. Under my thumb. Under my hands. Not off plotting and scheming and talking to vampires._

" _I've got you now" I think. "I've finally got you where I want you."_

Yeah... Under him. Perfectly ready to be killed any moment. Baz (the real one, he thinks) suddenly realizes that the temperature is rising. He breathes deeply, trying to control the strips of magic that flow from his hands. If it goes on, the library will burn.

 _ **BAZ**_

 _Snow has done this before._

 _He's doing this nice thing with his chin. Moving it up and down. Tilting his head. Pushing me back even farther._

 _I don't try to mimic him. I just let him go._

 _I'm going to die kissing Simon Snow.…_

 _Simon Snow is going to die kissing me._

This is somehow interesting. Because it's the cheesiest thing he has ever read. And he read some of the notes Philippa sent Simon in class before he began going out with Wellbelove... He is trying to decide if he should puke or break in a loud laugh. What in the Earth is this book? He thinks about it: kissing Snow, in a burning forest... The thought only makes him want to start a fire. And burn the book.

 _ **SIMON**_

 _Baz grabs my shoulders and pushes me off him._

 _It only works because I'm not expecting it._

 _He reaches into his sleeve and pulls out his wand, then points over my shoulder, screaming,_ _ **"Make a wish!"**_ _There's fire all around us now, slithering closer through the grass._

 _Baz's spell lands, and one of the trees goes out, then quickly catches fire again. Baz takes a breath, and I put both hands on his chest, letting him take what he wants from me._ _ **"Make a wish!"**_ _he shouts, and his voice is thunder._

Wait, can Snow really do that? Can _he_ stand Snow´s magic?

 _The fire dies in one breath—more like it was sucked in than blown out. My ears pop, and smoke pours out of the trees._

 _I look at Baz._

 _Was that it? Did he just need me to kiss him to snap out of his suicidal funk?_

 _He drops his wand and reaches up to my jumper (his jumper), then pulls it down at the neck. With his other hand, he tears open my shirt collar, popping the top button, and grabs at my cross, eyeing the chain. He gives the cross a good yank—the chain snaps—and he tosses it away._

 _Then Baz looks at me like he always looks at me when he's about to attack._

Okay, this is crazy. In the last bunch of paragraphs, he has avoided death; kissed his worst enemy; saved his life twice and got rid of that stupid cross the Mage gave him. As if. That cross burns. That cross could kill him. That cross is the only reason why, instead of strangling him, he threw him downstairs in fourth year. That cross is the only way Snow could hurt him in their room without activating the Anathema. Baz takes a look at his phone´s clock: it is time for him to go outside, but there are only two more lines left before the end of the chapter.

 _ **BAZ**_

 _Simon Snow is still going to die kissing me._

 _Just not today._

He slams his sister´s book in the counter and shoots a scary glance at the shopkeeper before actually paying. He is so angry he is going to explode. Fiona silently watches him get in the car.

"Let´s go" he says.

"Home already?"

"No. Watford. I am going to kill Snow today".


End file.
